How do you argue with someone who deflects?

How to respond when someone is deflecting. If you're in a situation where it feels like someone is deflecting, Saltz says you can try to address the situation—but you'll want to use "I" statements, as opposed to "you" statements, as the latter will put them more on the defensive.


How do you deal with people who deflect?

How do you deal with deflection? The best way to deal with deflection is to communicate how you feel by having a conversation. Point out that you feel the person is deflecting their fault onto you and that it is not appreciated.

How do you respond when someone is deflecting?

One of the ways to respond when they are deflecting is to focus on the facts. Remember that your partner will employ their emotions, so they might not want to reason with you. Another way to respond is to take responsibility deliberately. When you do this, they might be unable to project their feelings on you.


What kind of person deflects?

Deflecting typically appears in conflictual situations, when a person is confronted with their mistakes. Instead of accepting responsibility and facing the uncomfortable situation head-on, the deflector will try to move the focus from themselves, usually by passing the blame onto someone or something else.

Why do people deflect in arguments?

Deflection happens when we redirect the focus, blame, or criticism away from ourselves in an attempt to preserve our self-image and avoid dealing with negative consequences. It can be used as a reactive coping mechanism to avoid feelings of guilt and shame, or as a narcissistic abuse tactic to avoid accountability.


What is DEFLECTION? Why is it so damaging?



Is deflecting emotional abuse?

Psychological deflection is somewhat similar to blame-shifting and it is a narcissistic abuse tactic that is often used by narcissists but more respectively, Covert narcissists in order to move attention for their bad behaviors away from them, and then redirect it towards other people they may use as their scapegoats.

What is it called when someone turns everything around on you?

They turn the story around to make it seem like you are at fault, deflecting attention and blame away from them to make you feel guilty. This type of emotional manipulation is called gaslighting.

How do you respond to a narcissistic deflection?

As you attempt to discuss differences with a deflecting narcissist, plain talk tends to be the best path. Say what needs to be said. Allow the other to do the same in reverse.


What is a character trait for someone who blames others?

People with narcissistic personality disorder are extremely resistant to changing their behavior, even when it's causing them problems. Their tendency is to turn the blame on to others.

How do you tell if someone is projecting onto you?

If a person's statements don't add up or seem to whip out accusations whenever they are uncomfortable, they may be projecting. Another tell-tale sign is when you talk to someone about their behavior or thoughts, and they immediately re-direct the conversation to you or another person.

Is deflecting a form of manipulation?

It's a way to manipulate you and avoid conflict. For example, if they have behaved badly and you try to call them out, they may something like: “You know I'd never intentionally do anything to hurt you”. Rather than being a sign of guilt or remorse, it's a way of getting them off the hook.


How do you respond to someone who is projecting?

Avoid taking on their emotion
  1. Acknowledge their feelings. Let the person know that you understand that they are feeling upset or frustrated. ...
  2. Ask questions. Try to get to the root of why the person is projecting their emotions onto you. ...
  3. Avoid taking on their emotion. ...
  4. Set boundaries. ...
  5. Offer support.


Is deflecting a form of gaslighting?

“Deflection is another gaslighting technique,” Emma says. “So if a victim starts talking about something that [the perpetrator] has done, they'll deflect and start talking about something the victim has done.

What does it mean when a person is deflecting?

to attack or blame another person rather than accepting criticism or blame for your own actions: When someone deflects, they are trying to feel less guilty, avoid negative consequences, and put the blame on others. The guilty person deflects their guilt onto the person who is accusing them or onto another person.


How do you respond to blame shifting?

How do you respond to blame shifting?
  1. Respond with understanding. Not every blame-shifter is angry. ...
  2. Respond with purpose. ...
  3. Be empathetic. ...
  4. Limit your own blaming. ...
  5. Don't give advice. ...
  6. Use positive feelings to help them feel better. ...
  7. Don't reinforce their negativity. ...
  8. Calm the blame-shifter.


What do you call a person who likes to cause conflict?

If you love to argue, you're eristic. Being eristic is a fairly common quality for a debater to have. Eristic describes things that have to do with an argument, or simply the tendency to debate, especially when someone loves to win an argument and values that more highly than arriving at the truth.

What is the psychology behind blaming others?

Blame protects your ego.

In a way, blaming is form of social comparison that is status-seeking. If you blame someone, it puts you in the superior seat, making you feel more important and the 'good' person as opposed to their 'bad'. Of course some people use blaming to make themselves a victim.


How do you verbally disarm a narcissist?

The following are 16 key phrases to disarm a narcissist:
  1. 1. “ ...
  2. “I Can't Control How You Feel About Me” ...
  3. “I Hear What You're Saying” ...
  4. “I'm Sorry You Feel That Way” ...
  5. “Everything Is Okay” ...
  6. “We Both Have a Right to Our Own Opinions” ...
  7. “I Can Accept How You Feel” ...
  8. “I Don't Like How You're Speaking to Me so I Will not Engage”


What it's like arguing with a narcissist?

Those who live with narcissism may find it difficult to hold positive and negative feelings for someone at the same time. As a result, things may get heated in an argument. You may experience insults, put-downs, and even mocking behaviors, like laughing as you express hurt.

What words not to say to a narcissist?

8 Things You Should Never Say to a Narcissist
  • Don't say, "It's not about you." ...
  • Don't say, "You're not listening." ...
  • Don't say, "Ina Garten did not get her lasagna recipe from you." ...
  • Don't say, "Do you think it might be your fault?" ...
  • Don't say, "You're being a bully." ...
  • Don't say, "Stop playing the victim."


How do you stop deflecting blame?

Ask someone to call you out when you start to deflect. Look for opportunities to take more ownership when things aren't going perfectly. Pay attention to what triggers your “blame something else” mechanism so you can gain more insight around when you start to deflect. Apologize when you slip up and blame someone else.

What are narcissist weaknesses?

A monumental weakness in the narcissist is the failure to look internally and flesh out what needs to be worked on. Then, of course, the next step is to spend time improving. The narcissist sabotages any possibility of looking deep within.

How narcissists turn people against you?

Manipulative narcissists can turn people against you by bringing one or more additional people into an argument, spat, or disagreement that was originally just between you and the narcissist.


What are the 5 signs of emotional abuse?

5 Signs of Emotional Abuse
  • They are Hyper-Critical or Judgmental Towards You. ...
  • They Ignore Boundaries or Invade Your Privacy. ...
  • They are Possessive and/or Controlling. ...
  • They are Manipulative. ...
  • They Often Dismiss You and Your Feelings.


What are 6 behaviors that indicate emotional abuse?

Examples include intimidation, coercion, ridiculing, harassment, treating an adult like a child, isolating an adult from family, friends, or regular activity, use of silence to control behavior, and yelling or swearing which results in mental distress. Signs of emotional abuse.