How do you talk to someone with borderline personality disorder?

How to Help
  1. Be patient.
  2. Be realistic.
  3. Try to separate facts from feelings.
  4. Validate feelings first.
  5. Listen actively and be sympathetic.
  6. Seek to distract when emotions rise.
  7. Do not allow yourself to be the product of the intense anger; attempt to diffuse it but sometimes you may have to walk away.


What do you say to someone with borderline personality?

Tell them that you really want to understand, and ask if they can say more about what they are feeling and why. Give the person hope for recovery by reassuring them that people with BPD can and do get better. Accept that the person is struggling and that life goals might need to be broken down into smaller steps.

How do you make someone with BPD feel loved?

In order to foster a strong bond, it's important to know how to love someone with borderline personality disorder in a way that nurtures both of you.
  1. Acknowledge the Realness of BPD. ...
  2. Make Room for Yourself. ...
  3. Stop Rescuing. ...
  4. Encourage High-Quality Treatment. ...
  5. Treatment at Bridges to Recovery.


What not to say to someone with borderline personality disorder?

  • “You're so emotionally unstable.” ...
  • “You don't need to get so angry all the time.” ...
  • “You're so stupid, you spend all of your money without thinking about the consequences.” ...
  • “What caused that disorder?” ...
  • “I can't cope with you and your mood swings!”


What is it like talking to someone with BPD?

1 Their moods can be volatile and intense, and it may be hard to control anger. 1 In addition, people with BPD may feel like they're being abandoned at the smallest slight, and these feelings are very real. This can trigger an emotional reaction that interferes with healthy communication.


Loving Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder: A Model of Emotion Regulation



How do people with BPD argue?

People with BPD may feel a great deal of anger and may make heavy insults in a fit of rage to loved ones. Although it is unfair to listen and get hurt, arguing suggests that you believe the other person's anger is uncalled-for and this will lead to greater rage.

How do you calm someone with BPD?

Listening to your loved one and acknowledging their feelings is one of the best ways to help someone with BPD calm down. When you appreciate how a borderline person hears you and adjust how you communicate with them, you can help diffuse the attacks and rages and build a stronger, closer relationship.

What is the best way to deal with someone who has borderline personality disorder?

Validate Their Feelings

It can be tempting to try to talk them out of what they are feeling or write them off as simply irrational. However, those feelings are very real to the person with the disorder. Therefore, dismissing their emotions is not only profoundly painful, it is counterproductive.


Are borderlines aware of their behavior?

People with borderline personality disorders are aware of their behaviors and the consequences of them and often act in increasingly erratic ways as a self-fulfilling prophecy to their abandonment fears.

What do you say to a quiet BPD person?

Helping Someone Cope With Quiet BPD
  • Listen and be sympathetic. ...
  • Ask questions. ...
  • Validate their feelings. ...
  • Help them practice self-soothing strategies. ...
  • Set healthy boundaries. ...
  • Consider making a family therapy appointment. ...
  • Encourage them to use mindfulness techniques. ...
  • Celebrate smaller wins.


Do borderlines deserve love?

They are often criticized, marginalized and stigmatized, but the truth is that they deserve love and understanding like anyone else. BPD, or borderline personality disorder, is a psychological diagnosis that indicates a person has difficulty regulating their emotions.


How do you emotionally regulate someone with BPD?

Managing Emotions Despite BPD
  1. Incorporating stress-reduction techniques into your life.
  2. Exercising regularly.
  3. Using grounding techniques in moments of intense distress.
  4. Practicing mindfulness meditation.
  5. Expressing your emotions through writing.
  6. Educating yourself about BPD.


How do you respond to BPD silent treatment?

How to respond
  1. Name the situation. Acknowledge that someone is using the silent treatment. ...
  2. Use 'I' statements. ...
  3. Acknowledge the other person's feelings. ...
  4. Apologize for words or actions. ...
  5. Cool off and arrange a time to resolve the issue. ...
  6. Avoid unhelpful responses.


Do borderlines love their favorite person?

Borderline Personality Disorder

However, because of the nature of this condition, the favorite person connection may sometimes swing between extreme love and attachment, to a strong dislike. This switch may occur when the person with BPD perceives that their emotional needs aren't being adequately met.


What are the 9 criteria for BPD?

The 9 symptoms of BPD
  • Fear of abandonment. People with BPD are often terrified of being abandoned or left alone. ...
  • Unstable relationships. ...
  • Unclear or shifting self-image. ...
  • Impulsive, self-destructive behaviors. ...
  • Self-harm. ...
  • Extreme emotional swings. ...
  • Chronic feelings of emptiness. ...
  • Explosive anger.


Why do borderlines push you away?

If someone has a borderline personality, they will always push people away, in fear of getting hurt. This is extremely difficult and painful for the people around them, as the sufferer can seem cold and angry, attention seeking, or not wanting help.

Why do borderlines hurt the ones they love?

Often, the borderline person is unaware of how they feel when their feelings surface, so they displace their feelings onto others as causing them. They may not realise that their feelings belong within them, so they think that their partner is responsible for hurting them and causing them to feel this way.


Are borderlines always angry?

Intense and sometimes inappropriate rage is a characteristic of borderline personality disorder (BPD). A person with this condition has difficulty regulating their emotions or returning to their baseline. Extremes of rage and other intense emotions may last longer than might be expected, from a few hours to a few days.

How do you respond to BPD rage?

When faced with BPD rage – which stems from the BPD person's interpretation of an event – it is important that you react in a calm and validating manner. Take care of your own emotional and mental health and seek therapy for yourself. Encourage and support treatment (when the BPD person is ready)

How do you keep a borderline happy?

The following 9 strategies can help you support a person with BPD:
  1. Learn about BPD. ...
  2. Show confidence and respect. ...
  3. Be trustworthy. ...
  4. Manage conflict with attachment. ...
  5. Encourage Professional Help. ...
  6. Identify strengths. ...
  7. Have fun together. ...
  8. Take suicide seriously.


Can you be happy with someone with BPD?

However, the stability of a partner may have a positive effect on the emotional sensitivities people with BPD experience. It may require a great deal of work from both partners, but long-term relationships and marriages are possible for people with BPD.

Do Borderlines overreact?

According to clinical experience, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, and authorities in the field, patients with borderline personality disorder tend to be hyper-reactive to environmental stimuli.

Do borderline personality disorder feel remorse?

BP/NPs don't take responsibility for their own moods or actions, so they don't feel remorse. Instead, they typically feel angry at you for reacting negatively to their actions. They rarely even notice that they have hurt your feelings or insulted you or put down your opinions or views.


How do people with BPD react to criticism?

Borderline patients may become distraught at ordinary criticism, which they experience as a blow to self-esteem; may react with rage to a disappointment or minor slight; or may feel terror at a separation that they experience as virtual abandonment.

How do you stop BPD outbursts?

Here are some tips on healthy ways to manage your anger with BPD.
  1. Count to 10. Hero Images / Getty Images. ...
  2. Notice Your Anger Earlier. Hero Images / Getty Images. ...
  3. Take a Break. Betsie Van Der Meer / Getty Images. ...
  4. Distract Yourself. ...
  5. Take Deep Breaths. ...
  6. Ground Yourself. ...
  7. Listen to Calming Music. ...
  8. Practice Letting Go.