What does defensiveness say about a person?

Defensive individuals often have control and power issues, and perceive anyone confronting them or holding them accountable as a threat. They are uncomfortable with feelings in general and managing their own.

What does defensive behavior indicate?

Defensive behaviors have the purpose of distracting you from your feelings of being hurt and feeling shamed. The objective (whether you realize it or not) is to shift attention to the faults of the other person, so that in turn you feel better about yourself in the moment.

What is the root cause of defensiveness?

Defensiveness is most often a response to criticism. It's when a person tries to defend themselves from feeling angry, hurt, or ashamed when they perceive the other person as critical. Criticism may make the other partner feel anxious or worried that the other partner does not care for them.

What kind of person is defensive?

Someone on the defensive is concerned with justifying their actions or words. They have a defensive attitude as they try to protect themselves. If you know that to defend is to protect, you have an idea what defensive means. When a person is acting defensive, they're trying to protect or justify themselves.

Is being defensive a toxic trait?

Defensiveness is toxic to relationships. While it feels good to defend ourselves against perceived attacks, our reactions often create conflict and distance between us.

Defensiveness: Psychology Behind Defensive Behavior

Are defensive people insecure?

In almost all cases, defensiveness is the result of emotional insecurity and fear. And when we feel insecure and don't know how to manage our fears—especially in the relationships where there's a lot at stake—we tend to fall back on primitive coping strategies like defensiveness to feel better.

Is defensiveness narcissistic?

Narcissists are extremely sensitive individuals with very low self-esteem. When their shortcomings are pointed out, they become defensive and frustrated. Their delusions of grandeur are put on display and their inadequacies are highlighted.

What are causes of being defensive?

Summary: Research has shown that defensiveness in response to wrongdoing is exacerbated by making the wrong doer feel like they're an outcast. Defensive behaviours are common responses when people feel personally attacked but can undermine our ability to identify problems and find solutions.

What mental illness causes defensiveness?

Individuals with BPD traits develop maladaptive behaviors that can be difficult for friends and families to understand, often resulting in chaotic relationships. People with personality disorders often use “defense mechanisms”, or coping strategies, that allow them to deny responsibility for their feelings and actions.

Is defensiveness a trauma response?

Defensiveness can protect emotional wounds left by trauma and abuse. At the same time, it blocks out the rest of the world. In conversations, defensiveness prevents connection and communication. While we quickly notice defensiveness in others, we are slower to notice and acknowledge it in ourselves.

What trauma causes defensive?

An example of defensive behavior stemming from trauma is when someone has been through abuse in the past and has a hard time trusting other people because of it. So when their partner questions them about something, they lash out with defensive actions to keep others away so that nothing bad happens again.

What body language shows defensiveness?

Arms Crossed Across The Chest

Sitting or standing with your arms crossed across your chest is nearly always seen as defensive body language. Universally, when a person crosses their arms, they are viewed as insecure, annoyed, or closed off.

How do you communicate with someone who is defensive?

How do you deal with someone who is defensive?

Why does defensiveness ruin relationships?

Defensiveness destroys relationships from the inside-out. It creates a climate of contention and tension that eventually leads to a loss of trust, alienation, and separation. The opposite of defensiveness, openness, creates an atmosphere of freedom, growth, respect and trust.

Does defensiveness mean lying?

Does being defensive mean you're lying? Simply put, if the person seems to be over-explaining their situation and is angered by your questions, they could have something to hide. On the other hand, experts are quick to point out that when someone is defensive, it isn't always a sign that they're lying.

Why is defensiveness wrong?

Defensiveness in parenting is toxic. It teaches children a black/white perspective of the world, and to make others wrong without listening. It forces them to take sides with one parent over the other. And in the long run it can mean they are scared of you, or afraid to turn to you when they need you most.

What does a narcissist say in an argument?

“It's not my fault, it's because of you/money/stress/work.” “If you wouldn't have done this, I wouldn't have done that.” “You knew what you were getting into; this is just the way that I am.”

Are people with low self esteem defensive?

You have a tendency to be defensive: if you have low self-esteem, your behavior is likely to be fussy and belligerent. Believing that you are not worth much, you will feel at war with the world and your reactions will be negative.

Does being defensive indicate guilt?

As you've learned, being defensive is a result of feeling ashamed, hurt, guilty, attacked, etc. If a person is feeling this way, responding with further criticism is likely to end only in stonewalling or an argument. Instead, show empathy and concern for the situation that the other person is experiencing.

Is being defensive natural?

Feeling defensive "is a natural self-protection mechanism that we have inside us", says Dr Kate Renshall, a clinical psychologist based in Sydney. "I think we all get defensive when somebody pushes on something that feels too close to home, or touches on something we already might doubt about ourselves."

How do you criticize a defensive person?

How do you deal with someone who won't listen?

Is defensiveness part of ADHD?

Tactile defensiveness (TD) is a disturbance in sensory processing and is observed in some children with attention-deficit-hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).

What is the antidote for defensiveness?

Antidote to Defensiveness: Accept responsibility

As a result, the problem isn't resolved and the conflict often escalates further. The antidote is to accept responsibility, even if only for part of the problem, and express an interest in your partner's feelings.